BRIGHTON NEWS
(UNDERSTANDING THE BRIGHT OWN
IAN’s)
EST: Recently.
(Ed. Rich Seamfinder)
COUNCIL’S ‘RESIDENTIAL APPROPRIATENESS’
SCHEME
‘INAPPROPRIATE AND INANE’ FOR RESIDENTS
Lars Throat, a
Big Issue vendor in and around Bartholomews, where Brighton Town Hall is situated,
spoke to Brighton News about the bizarre scheme and of how he first heard of
it.
‘A lot of my
customers work for the council. I don’t like to gossip but now and again you
hear rumours or overhear snippets of private conversations. On this occasion
somebody slipped the information in my pocket sealed in a plain brown envelope.
It basically means that say you live in Gardner Street, you’ll have to do a job
that’s horticultural or very closely related.’
But critics of
the scheme have reacted furiously, anticipating serious problems if the idea is
implemented. Barnaby Jones, a plumber currently living in Gardner Street, said,
‘I suppose anyone in a dead-end job would have to live in a cul-de-sac!’ Mr
Jones is Chairperson of Gardner Street Residents’ Opposition to the Residential
Appropriateness Scheme Committee.
The council were
unavailable for comment. However, a regular customer of Lars (who asked to
remain anonymous) pointed out that Lars’s example contains a vital flaw: ‘Lars
is completely illiterate; otherwise he’d have seen Gardner Street’s missing the
“e” that would make it Gardener Street. This sort of scaremongering spells
disaster for people who don’t read carefully or pay close attention to detail.’
Lars, 47, is a
Norwegian fisherman who claims he fell foul of the Scandinavian mafia after he
refused to appear in a skin product advertisement. Fleeing to England in 1999,
he was badly injured in a series of accidents with drains in London before
moving to Brighton in 2008 where he became homeless last year.
Ian
J. Narolc